It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize