Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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