they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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