I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
