He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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