The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
