mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
