her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize