oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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