Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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