Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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