Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Maybe he injected his testicle?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
