I heard we made out
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
