Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
