No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
