shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
