I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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