Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
