I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
