please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize