Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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