Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Its about making memories worth repressing
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
