were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
