just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
