Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
