Your face is a jimmy john
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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