Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
