my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
