There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
