Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
