Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
someone owes me an orgasm
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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