I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
