I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
