we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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