you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
