I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
