I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
