I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
