i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
