I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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