I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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