She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
