Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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