I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize