I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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