Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
The ass gains better be worth it
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