Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
