either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
