I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
