You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize