weddingsv make me drug and hornr
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
