I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Please don't give away my fajitas
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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