i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Randomize
