I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
