You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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