he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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