I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
well, you know. whores of a feather.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
