ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
