dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize