I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize