I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
