I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
