I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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