your parents love me but you hate me
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
