Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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