I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
