You just made me feel so damn special
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
