he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
