Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
