I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The best revenge is premature balding
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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