Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
